I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize