singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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