we're chasing vodka with high fives
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
