He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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