foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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