Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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