He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
