not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
