You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's like heaven, but drunker
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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