I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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