did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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