Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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