My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
