My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
