I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
