I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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