I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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