He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
