tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
