I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
