Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
