Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
