he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
