I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
