I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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