I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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