Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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