Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
