apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
