yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
