My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
