The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
