oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
