Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize