i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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