Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
