I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
