I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
