I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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