no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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