i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
