peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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