He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
