Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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