I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
