My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm too high and old for this...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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