Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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