he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
