i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
