Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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