Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I understand Curling. That high.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
