you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
