Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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