I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
