stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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