So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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