Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
