hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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