im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
