awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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