this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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