I love having hate sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
