I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
