New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
