all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
