The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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