My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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