She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
