I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
