I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
