the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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