she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
