I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
