It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
