hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
