My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
